I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
