Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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