just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
