mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
