I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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