dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
