she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
