Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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