if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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