I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
