There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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