I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
