i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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