Who wears a wallet chain?!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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