Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize