I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
