my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
