My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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