I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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