Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
