It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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