If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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