Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
vagina is talking i cant
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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