I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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