i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
