I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
