Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
