Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
