have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just made my gag reflex go away.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
