I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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