you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
