So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
