You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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