Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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