Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
