I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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