His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
