If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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