I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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