New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
