Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
