she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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