i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
