It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
