He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
