I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
