oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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