I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
