Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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