smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
look no pants
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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