Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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