and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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