theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
