she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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