dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
