Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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