3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
