i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
