Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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