My sheets look like a crime scene.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
