what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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