hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize