I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
