So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
