I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
