Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
