I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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