I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
His nipple licking is glorious
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