you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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