Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
