Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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