i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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