Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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