I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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