his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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