I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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