So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
