The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
