I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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