my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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