Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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