get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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