I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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