I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
