Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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