): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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