On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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