After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
