He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
