i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
