Pants 0. Shit 1.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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