Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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