someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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