need another drink. this is the easiest way
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
