sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
