he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
