i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
